Traditions and Parenting

Two themes have been swirling around my head for the past few days...traditions and parenting.

Traditions--I suppose this is because it is Christmas, and I'm feeling guilty this year because many of the traditions that I/we have established for our family have been thrown out the window this year. Why? I could give a few really good reasons...the ones I've been giving people for the past month...things like we're leaving the country for Christmas, why go to all the trouble; or I don't want Christmas to get lost in the traditions of gifts and Christmas trees and decorations. I want my kids understanding the real meaning of CHRISTmas. I could go on, but I won't. The real reason...deep down inside of myself...I just don't want to. I feel lazy and...well, I just don't feel like it. For the first time in my life, I do not have a Christmas tree up... and I just don't care. I feel bad and a bit guilty for my kids, but not for me. What' wrong with me?

It's not just the traditions of a tree and decorations that I'm foregoing either...my poor son has lost 4 teeth in the past week or so...and the tooth fairy has yet to appear. Oh, the kids know the truth, but we "pretend" and have fun with the fantasy of it. They play along...mostly for my sake. But I don't feel like playing lately. Caleb just wants his money. What's wrong with me?

Maybe I'm just too tired...or maybe I'm suffering from what my husband suffers from...seasonal depression. For years he's wanted to move back to FL or to Trinidad. Every year, I either say no or maybe next year. I don't want to move. I love living near my family. I love that it's not too hot here. I love my ministry with OMS. I love that my kids are being raised in a good place. But what's wrong with me?

This one is easy. I know I can't be fully happy or content when my husband is miserable--makes me feel too selfish. Sure, I try to pep talk him into saying that God can use him here--that he needs to be open to that. But his heart is still so sad...and thus, so is mine.

Then, there's the whole topic of parenting. I'm an awful mom! Well, not really...and I'm not doing one of those subliminal messages to draw attention to myself so that you'll write and say, "No, Susan, you're a great mom." And this whole feeling is not really about comparing myself to other moms around me, although I do. Other moms with double the number of kids that I have seem to get so much more done than me. Other moms are spending so much quality time with their kids as they homeschool them daily. I barely see my kids. And then there's the yelling...

I'm a screamer...I've prayed; I've read books on the topic...I know it is bad and does no good. Yet, I continue to yell. I would NEVER yell at another human being the way I yell at my precious children...it makes me sad.

We're having some issues with Caleb...getting in trouble as school, etc... I see him changing...some of which is due to hormones, but I wonder if my screaming is permanently damaging him. Tonight, he screamed at his sister. I told him how mean and awful it sounded, and Rachel says, "Yeah, just like when you yell at us." Oh, Lord, help me. What's wrong with me?

Ah, I'm a work in progress. I'm OK, really I am...just going through some spiritual growing pains. The final thing I have repeatedly heard this week...due to Christmas quickly approaching... is the "fear not" passage. Yeah, I need to cling to those words. Do not be afraid...of parenting, of change, of letting go of traditions, of not always being right, of being lazy sometimes, of failing, of not being perfect and of angels that bring tidings of great joy. Emmanuel...God with us...

Ups and Downs

On my way home from work tonight, I began to thank God for the ups and downs in life--the mountaintop experiences and yes, even for the valleys. Life is full of uPS and DOwns. For me, my weight goes up and then it comes down; gas prices are down, and then, they go up; we have good days and bad days...pretty much, that's life. The true test of our faith and maturity is how we handle these ups and downs.

If we can only be grateful for the good stuff and be bitter, angry and ungrateful about the downers, then we will not grow...and we will not be happy in life. I have learned that my deepest times of growth have come through the trials, the tests of my faith, the valleys. I'm truly grateful for these times as well. They also make me more grateful and content for the ups in life.

For example, I have pancreatitis. It is chronic and acute. When I am sick, I am very sick. It might take my life some day. But because of those hard, painful days, I am SO grateful for the good days, the pain-free days. I can honestly say that every single day that I feel good, I give thanks to Him. But, I gotta take better care of myself, I know.

There's also the reality that we are going to have bad days at work, at home caring for kids, at school...wherever we spend a lot of time. It's a fact. But I get so frustrated when people have the mentality that life is one big downer. They live for Fridays, hate Mondays, grumble at coworkers, etc... What a sad way to live. I know, you're screaming, "Easy for you to say, Susan! You're a missionary. You get to work with the greatest people on Earth!" Well, I have to agree with that. But I also deal with a lot of stress and some major disappointments. It's extra hard when a fellow Christian lets you down, etc... But I choose to make every day the best it can be--even with the ups and downs.

I certainly don't have this all figured out, but I think I'm a much more content person because I am learning that ups and downs are a reality. I'm going to rejoice in the ups and learn and grow from the downs. It's then a win-win situation.

Random Thoughts

I'm feeling pretty wiped out today, but can't lie my head on that pillow until I get some of the thoughts buzzing around in my head on paper. I have three things floating about, but oddly, they are not related. Thus, my random thoughts title for the day.

1. Have you ever heard about a DVD series called The Truth Project? It is a 12-part teaching by Dr. Del Tackett and promoted by Focus on the Family. It has received some criticism because it was shown in the Capitol, but I find the series amazingly deep and thought provoking. We are watching it at OMS, and there has not been a day that I've watched in which I haven't left the room, pondering something. You should check it out.

Today, I left wondering why, after 25 years of walking with the Lord, I still seek attention and glory from people. I know, I know ... sin. Dr. Tackett was talking about this subject and my mind went to a scene in the latest version of Robin Hood (the one with Russell Crowe). It's the scene where the surviving brother has taken over as king, he has promised the world to the people of the kingdom, then when Robin Hood upstages him, his need for glory makes his evil(er) side come out, and he ends up reneging on all his prior promises.

I'm like that. Perhaps not as blatant, but I am. Lord, help me to grow to be more like You!

2. Those that know me well, know that I am a bit OCD, a bit anal and even suffer a bit of ADHD--all of which seem so negative when put on paper...and they can be, but they also come in handy at times. My attention to detail is good, I care about the little things, I have lots of energy,... Here's how these things can be good and bad. I'm a clean freak, but because I can't just clean halfway, my house has been unpresentable since July--when I was hospitalized with pancreatitis. I am busy, it's true, but what person that has a full-time job, a husband, two kids with multiple activities, etc...can clean with the expectations I place on myself? Why can't I just be like everyone else and be able to pick up a room, run a dust cloth and sweeper and call it a day. That would certainly be good enough to open our home to visitors. But nooooo, I must pull the couch cushions, move the furniture, scrub the baseboards, clean and rearrange every drawer and closet and read every piece of mail that passes through the door--even ones that I KNOW are junk mail.

Anyway, I am slowly making progress...and maybe soon YOU can come for a visit. Until then, pray for me. I really know that my time could be better spent than counting puzzle pieces and color coding my closet hangers by type of clothing!

3. Sunday night OMS hosted a small event for one of my new coworkers...Beka! What a blessing she is in every way. She invited 40 friends and supporters to come to the OMS office to tour the building, hear more about what OMS does and how Beka's role fits into this. (Many of you local friends will receive an invite from me in the spring!)

The evening was fun, informative and filled with God moments. One of those was remembering how the Lord used me to get Beka to OMS. Short story is that Beka wanted to come be a missionary journalist, I wanted/needed her to come, then the doors seemingly closed. I prayed a lot, and God spoke clearly. He made it clear that I needed to step up and "fight" for Beka. I did, and it was so worth it. But even more than that, it was a wonderful confirmation to me that God still speaks clearly in our lives if we are obedient to listen.

Ahhh, I feel better. Sometimes, I just have to dump the load of my brain to feel peace and release. Hope you find your peace in Him this week...

Movie Star...Not!

Today, was a roller coaster day at OMS. I've learned that this means that God is at work. Oh, I know He never stops, but He's showing His hand full force, and great things are about to happen.

This week alone, I am working on the next Outreach magazine (it's going to be full of amazing stories of God at work!), new exciting stories to post on the www.onemissionsociety.org website, a testimony of God's faithfulness to OMS to email to more than 8,000 OMS friends, which is a part of a new email "marketing" campaign we're launching this week, with a new news service launch, as well.

Also, in the last week, I've helped edit, manage and coordinate 5 DMLs (direct mail letters, requesting financial needs for OMS), which included more than 40,000 pieces of mail. I'm also part of a radio writing/editing team in which we write ads for a radio station in Cincinnati. I have the unpleasant task tomorrow of calling the general manager to say we're not happy with the way the ads have been produced. So, our team produced the ad ourselves, and it turned out great. Now, I just need to convince the GM that it's a good idea to switch to ours...and keep our relationship in tact. God is at work in this too. For several years, we have wanted to produce our own spots. In fact, we have a dozen or so stations that have requested to play our creative spots.

And today...I experienced a very emotional call with our contracted web developing company. We decided logically it was time to part ways, but emotionally, it felt like I had just broken up with my first boyfriend. Thankfully, in the end, we said goodbye on a great note.

The other biggie for the day...I was video interviewed by Indy Christian Media for a soon-to-be-released web video series on who OMS is and what we do, etc... Look for coming details and links soon.

A Movie Star I Am Not! I fussed and fretted about my flat (I totally forgot today was filming day), unwashed hair and NO makeup, how fat I looked on camera, my sweaty face (it was hot day today anyway, no AC and then put all those studio lights on ya and it was at least 100 degrees in there!). Then, I got warmed up and into the questions and the answers just flowed. I realized how very passionate I am about the ministry of One Mission Society. What a privilege it is to serve with OMS...and even more to serve our God.

But...I think I'll leave the in-front-of camera duties to someone else. I'll stick to WRITING the wonderful stories of how HE is changing people's lives each and every day.

Hope you enjoyed this not-so-quick glimpse into my ministry world. I bet you never knew what exciting things a homeland missionary could be involved in, huh?

P.S. I'll try to post some ministry pix soon so you can begin to see the faces of those changed lives.

Is There Something Wrong with Being Thankful?

Weird question, huh? Well, I am thankful...I think I'm generally a grateful person overall ... and not just at this time of year either. But even if people ARE just talking about thanksgiving this month, I say, hey, better one month a year than not at all.

What is all this rambling about? Well, I got a little mad today when I was reading a post on a FaceBook friend's page. She was saying that she was grateful for life. Her "friend" responded to her post, basically dogging her out, saying that she should not just be grateful in November, but all throughout the year. He said she should go and volunteer at a soup kitchen in July. That made me mad. Why in the world would anyone ever make someone feel badly for feeling good? ... for being grateful?

OK, I know what his point was ... or the point he was trying to make, but really Mr.?

Anyway, with all that said, I think this is a great time of year to reflect on all the good gifts that God has given us and to "Get Rich Quick ... Count Our Blessings" (recently seen on a church sign). This is how I feel rich today:

• we still live in a country where we are free to vote, to voice our choices, convictions, ideas,...
• that despite the fact that I am a conservative and have many friends that are liberals, we can still be friends, living in peace, knowing that this is what our country was founded on
• God reigns
• my husband is still, at 50, super hot and loves me even when I am a super grouch and have a big crush (innocent) on Brett Favre
• my ministry is incredibly fulfilling; I get to be a small part of fulfilling the Great Commission on a daily basis and I actually LOVE going to work each day
• I'm feeling pretty strong and healthy. I NEVER take my health for granted these days...every day that I go without pain, I sing praises to God
• even though we live with some debt, all our needs are met above and beyond what we deserve
• my children are growing up to love and follow Jesus ... and are becoming pretty great human beings in the process. And even though we have a way to go in raising them, what a joy and privilege it is to do so
• so many friends and family that love, support and encourage me in my faith journey
• $1.00 Diet Cokes from McDonald's

I could go on and on but will leave it with these "10 Good Things" for today. If you're feeling sad or depressed, may I suggest you take just 5 minutes to list a few things you are thankful for. I guarantee, it'll make you feel better.

Embarking on a New Adventure

OK, I finally bit the bullet and decided to start a blog. Not sure how often I'll write, but I promise it will be more often than I've been sending out my ministry prayer letters.

20 Years of Ministry

This month/year marks my 20th year in full-time Christian service. What does that mean? Many would say that as Christians (for those who are, that is), we should all be in full-time Christian service. I basically agree, but how my life has been different is that about 25 years ago, I received a clear calling from the Lord that I was to give my life for ministry. For me, that has meant 20 years of trusting the Lord in faith for my funds. Yep, I've been raising my ministry support for two decades now. It's been hard. Can't say that I love it. Can't say I'm very good at it. But, I can say that it has been a faith-growing, faith-inspiring journey that has taught me a lot. I have see God bless me (and others) over and over again. Someday, I might just have to share a story or two of God's miracles in terms of finances. Maybe YOU have even been a source of one of those blessings in my/our life/lives.

OK, so as to NOT lose readers of my very first log, I'll start a positive precedence and keep my entries fairly short.

Hey, if you haven't already, please check out the One Mission Society website: www.onemissionsociety.org. This is one of the things I'm in charge of at OMS. 

Finally, just a quick explanation of the title of this blog...Coke Chat. If you know me at all, you know I love my Diet Coke. Just like many of you enjoy sitting around a table and drinking a coffee, I enjoy my DC. So, grab YOUR favorite drink of choice, sit in front of your computer and let's chat together a little more often.