Raging Hormones...no not mine!

Well, the title sums up what is happening this week in the Loobie household...hormones. Did we even have hormones at age 10? I am constantly thinking about the good ol' days...when life was more simple, values more ingrained and hormones didn't pop their ugly little heads until much later! Right?

Who am I kidding? It'd be easy to blame what is happening to my 10-year-old son on society or technology...anything but the fact that he is growing up. It scares the crap out of me! But the truth is...hormones are a reality...we had them then; they have them now. I do believe my first kiss was at age 10...can any of you old classmates remember? It might have been 11.

Back to the present...
I remember the first week of school, back in August, for the "meet the teachers" night. One teacher said in the orientation, "This just might be the hardest year your child goes through, with the change from 4th to 5th grade, changing from elementary to intermediate...and the raging hormones." I innocently looked at my husband and whispered, "So, glad we don't have to worry about that." Was it just six short months ago that we were listening to him talk about girls being stupid and gross?

Wow! How things can change quickly...and it's hard for this mom to witness the transformation from little boy to...well, big boy. At 10, I just can't call him a young man yet, but I realize these are such crucial, formative years. I find myself praying for this child (and my "baby" girl as well, of course) almost constantly. It really is scary how you can love a person so much; want so much for them. I really "get" that idea of giving your life for your child. I'm praying right now for you parents with sick or special needs children. You must experience this feeling on a daily basis.

Well, when you think of it, could you pray for Caleb...and pray for his momma! Today, I got the call from him, sharing ecstatically that he got kissed today...and it wasn't even from the girl he has a crush on. As he was telling me about it, he stopped, looked dreamily around and said, "...and I liked it!" Give me strength! I tried to logically talk to him, share what was right and wrong, tell him about the biblical view of love and intimacy...nope, nothing. He was in some hormonal stupor and could hear nothing I said. So, I just prayed with him, asking God to give him wisdom to make wise, godly choices in the years to come. And I need wisdom too, to know when to share what. My mom says I've shared WAY too much with my young children. But this is from a woman from a generation that taught us not to say the word pregnant in public. When I was 7 and my mom was pregnant with my youngest brother, she would not allow us to say the word out loud. I had to say she was "PG." Hilarious, but a sign of the times. Now, my fear is that if I don't teach them enough, from a biblical perspective, soon enough, then those on their bus and in their school hallways will. Whew! Exhausting...How many more years until he's married!?

Trinidad Adventures

Wow! Has it really been almost a month since I last blogged? This blog will be worth the wait. It's one of those Susan stories where you need to close your eyes and picture me telling it.

Ready? Are they closed? OK, you're gonna have to open 'em to read, I guess.

Well, we arrived in Trinidad on Christmas Day....wait, it was long past midnight, so I guess it was really the 26th. We left snowy Indy at 4 a.m. on Christmas morning, had a few hours of visiting friends in Miami (ate Christmas lunch at a Jewish bagel cafe--that's a first for my Christmas lunches!), arrived in Trinidad around 1 a.m., but by the time we got through customs and immigration, got our bags and drove to P's sister's house, it was nearly 4 a.m. We were all exhausted.

I spent most of that next day in bed as I awoke feeling horrible. So, while the family went on beach adventure #1, I happily stole some zzzz's and dreamed about the Colts game I was missing.

By the next day, I was feeling somewhat better, but not really good enough to travel 2 1/2 hours to the south of the island and drive around all day visiting people I didn't know. But I went. By early evening, I was so nauseous, I was begging my brother law to go home...but nope, we stopped at a big party. There was lots of heavy, spicy food and alcohol. My stomach wanted to revolt, and I hadn't eaten a bite, but God was merciful and I made it through that night without much to talk about.

The next couple days were good and pretty uneventful, just nice days of relaxing on the beach and hanging out with family...then Thursday came...the day I had longed for for many months. We were making the trip to Tobago--Trinidad's sister island. I had been there twice before...sooo gorgeous! The other times I'd visited, we'd taken a "puddle jumper" plane. This day, we took the ferry boat. I was ready for the 3-hour boat ride adventure. Let's cut to the chase and just say...Thank you niece Heather for suggesting I take a Dramamine-like pill. I needed it.

OK, now's when you need to get in the Susan story mode...We hired a large taxi to take our party of 13 to the other side of the island, to go hiking in the rain forest, out to a beautiful waterfall. Most of you know, I'm not really the hiker type, but hey, I'd made it before...and now I was a Wii champion runner, bowler, tennis player,...I'd be fine, right? We got there and started our 2-3-mile hike. We got about 10 minutes or so into the hike and I asked, "Did anyone bring water?" NOPE! Well, it was 90+ degrees F, with humidity in the...well, who knows, but it's the rain forest tropics people. I'm sure you can picture it. I was HOT and THIRSTY, but no one will ever say I'm not a trouper! We get about half way to the destination...a wonderful waterfall when suddenly...just realized this blog has gotten too long...will continue tomorrow...

No? You want more now? OK, stop calling me those mean names. I won't tease you like that. Here's the rest and the best. I do warn though...for those of you with weak sensibilities, stop now. I am not going to sugar coat this.

So, you've stuck with me this far...thanks. OK, I was at the part where ...when suddenly, I began to have severe stomach cramps...I mean the kind that double you over, make the hairs on your arms stand up and make you begin prayers like this..."Oh, help me, Jesus, please Jesus...ahhhhh!" I frantically began searching for a place to find release. But where? I was with 13 family members, we're on a rugged trail, with an even more rugged off trail and there were the occasional tourists passing us on the way back. There was no privacy, NO place to go. I plowed forward, begging Jesus with every breath to make it go away. By this time, I knew in addition to stomach cramping, I was also severely dehydrated. So, I began to cold sweat on top of the hot sweat. By the time we reached the destination, my bum cheeks were squeezed so tightly together, and I was in such pain, I hardly noticed the beauty of the cascading waterfall. I did take two seconds to snap this picture at the right.

My kids and all the other nieces and nephews were eager to swim in the pool below the waterfall. All I could think of was finding a bathroom. I knew there was one back down at the base camp...3 miles away! Could I make it? Dare I venture back on my own? I'm scanning the surrounding area frantically now, praying, squeezing, begging God, looking pleadingly at my husband to help me. I quickly announce to one and all, I must head back. I run, cantor, limp, drag, stop, deep breathe, pray, gallop some more--all the time maneuvering over rough, wet rocks, precariously steep inclines, etc... I didn't care at this point, I was desperate. I got about halfway back to camp when about 20 feet ahead, I spy the huge bamboo tree we had passed on our way up and where I'd gotten my photo taken.

OK, I thought. That could work. It could provide me a little privacy. At this point though, I barely cared. I needed this offensive, foul poison out of my body. I gingerly began the last long 20 feet...victory was in sight...but was not to be mine that day. I could hold my cheeks together no longer. And out it came...filling my bathing suit. I had no t.p., no towel, no nothing. I crept...almost crawled to the bamboo tree and finished the job and looked around for leaves. Now, I began to think about the potential creepy crawlies that could be around. What if I chose a leaf that was poisonous? ...What the heck! I had to clean myself somehow. Then, I realized, I was still a mess. I knew that there was a creek down the ravine. It's where the water from the waterfall flowed. Was I brave enough to go off trial in search of water. If you smelled me, you would know why this scardy-cat did it.

I bush whacked my way through the forest, carefully watching each step, yelling when needed to ensure that no viper would fang my bare ankles. Then, holding on to vines protruding from the side of the ravine, I readied myself to climb down to the ...ACKKKK, there was no water below. The creek bed was dry. How in the world could a creek be dry in the middle of the rain forest? Jesus? ...but wait, I heard water...I followed the creek. More than once, now that I just stunk and didn't feel like dying, I pretended that I was that guy that ekes out an existence in the jungles, you know, like a female MacGyver.

Ahhh, water, glorious water. I rolled and flopped and bathed and scrubbed and lapped and frolicked. Water, glorious water. Once I had got most of the stink off me and drank until my belly jiggled, I knew I now had to climb back up and find civilization. I used sticks and vines and rocks...and I did it. Had I fallen, I seriously doubt anyone would have ever found me. So glad I didn't think of that in the moment. Now, the decision came--do I venture back to the waterfall to find the group or just call it a morning and hike back to camp? I opted for A. Why? I was mad that I was missing out on the fun. By the time I made it back within vision of the waterfall, the group was heading back. I SAW the waterfall for the first time really. Beautiful.

On the hike back, a God moment happened. From nothingness, it just started to pour down rain (we were in a rain forest after all). It was an amazing moment for me. I just raised my hands, my head and my eyes to the heavens and cried in joy and wonder. Water, glorious water. God, glorious God!

The story is basically finished. Once we got up to the camp, I realized in addition to toilets, they had showers. Rachel and I were in a changing room together, undressing to ready for the shower. Rachel looks and me and says, "Mommy, why do you have mud all over your back and legs?" Pause..."and why does it smell like poop?"

"Ah, baby girl, it's a long story..."




Picture at right: The beach in Tobago. We had a wonderful rest of the day. Water, glorious water. : )

Traditions and Parenting

Two themes have been swirling around my head for the past few days...traditions and parenting.

Traditions--I suppose this is because it is Christmas, and I'm feeling guilty this year because many of the traditions that I/we have established for our family have been thrown out the window this year. Why? I could give a few really good reasons...the ones I've been giving people for the past month...things like we're leaving the country for Christmas, why go to all the trouble; or I don't want Christmas to get lost in the traditions of gifts and Christmas trees and decorations. I want my kids understanding the real meaning of CHRISTmas. I could go on, but I won't. The real reason...deep down inside of myself...I just don't want to. I feel lazy and...well, I just don't feel like it. For the first time in my life, I do not have a Christmas tree up... and I just don't care. I feel bad and a bit guilty for my kids, but not for me. What' wrong with me?

It's not just the traditions of a tree and decorations that I'm foregoing either...my poor son has lost 4 teeth in the past week or so...and the tooth fairy has yet to appear. Oh, the kids know the truth, but we "pretend" and have fun with the fantasy of it. They play along...mostly for my sake. But I don't feel like playing lately. Caleb just wants his money. What's wrong with me?

Maybe I'm just too tired...or maybe I'm suffering from what my husband suffers from...seasonal depression. For years he's wanted to move back to FL or to Trinidad. Every year, I either say no or maybe next year. I don't want to move. I love living near my family. I love that it's not too hot here. I love my ministry with OMS. I love that my kids are being raised in a good place. But what's wrong with me?

This one is easy. I know I can't be fully happy or content when my husband is miserable--makes me feel too selfish. Sure, I try to pep talk him into saying that God can use him here--that he needs to be open to that. But his heart is still so sad...and thus, so is mine.

Then, there's the whole topic of parenting. I'm an awful mom! Well, not really...and I'm not doing one of those subliminal messages to draw attention to myself so that you'll write and say, "No, Susan, you're a great mom." And this whole feeling is not really about comparing myself to other moms around me, although I do. Other moms with double the number of kids that I have seem to get so much more done than me. Other moms are spending so much quality time with their kids as they homeschool them daily. I barely see my kids. And then there's the yelling...

I'm a screamer...I've prayed; I've read books on the topic...I know it is bad and does no good. Yet, I continue to yell. I would NEVER yell at another human being the way I yell at my precious children...it makes me sad.

We're having some issues with Caleb...getting in trouble as school, etc... I see him changing...some of which is due to hormones, but I wonder if my screaming is permanently damaging him. Tonight, he screamed at his sister. I told him how mean and awful it sounded, and Rachel says, "Yeah, just like when you yell at us." Oh, Lord, help me. What's wrong with me?

Ah, I'm a work in progress. I'm OK, really I am...just going through some spiritual growing pains. The final thing I have repeatedly heard this week...due to Christmas quickly approaching... is the "fear not" passage. Yeah, I need to cling to those words. Do not be afraid...of parenting, of change, of letting go of traditions, of not always being right, of being lazy sometimes, of failing, of not being perfect and of angels that bring tidings of great joy. Emmanuel...God with us...

Ups and Downs

On my way home from work tonight, I began to thank God for the ups and downs in life--the mountaintop experiences and yes, even for the valleys. Life is full of uPS and DOwns. For me, my weight goes up and then it comes down; gas prices are down, and then, they go up; we have good days and bad days...pretty much, that's life. The true test of our faith and maturity is how we handle these ups and downs.

If we can only be grateful for the good stuff and be bitter, angry and ungrateful about the downers, then we will not grow...and we will not be happy in life. I have learned that my deepest times of growth have come through the trials, the tests of my faith, the valleys. I'm truly grateful for these times as well. They also make me more grateful and content for the ups in life.

For example, I have pancreatitis. It is chronic and acute. When I am sick, I am very sick. It might take my life some day. But because of those hard, painful days, I am SO grateful for the good days, the pain-free days. I can honestly say that every single day that I feel good, I give thanks to Him. But, I gotta take better care of myself, I know.

There's also the reality that we are going to have bad days at work, at home caring for kids, at school...wherever we spend a lot of time. It's a fact. But I get so frustrated when people have the mentality that life is one big downer. They live for Fridays, hate Mondays, grumble at coworkers, etc... What a sad way to live. I know, you're screaming, "Easy for you to say, Susan! You're a missionary. You get to work with the greatest people on Earth!" Well, I have to agree with that. But I also deal with a lot of stress and some major disappointments. It's extra hard when a fellow Christian lets you down, etc... But I choose to make every day the best it can be--even with the ups and downs.

I certainly don't have this all figured out, but I think I'm a much more content person because I am learning that ups and downs are a reality. I'm going to rejoice in the ups and learn and grow from the downs. It's then a win-win situation.

Random Thoughts

I'm feeling pretty wiped out today, but can't lie my head on that pillow until I get some of the thoughts buzzing around in my head on paper. I have three things floating about, but oddly, they are not related. Thus, my random thoughts title for the day.

1. Have you ever heard about a DVD series called The Truth Project? It is a 12-part teaching by Dr. Del Tackett and promoted by Focus on the Family. It has received some criticism because it was shown in the Capitol, but I find the series amazingly deep and thought provoking. We are watching it at OMS, and there has not been a day that I've watched in which I haven't left the room, pondering something. You should check it out.

Today, I left wondering why, after 25 years of walking with the Lord, I still seek attention and glory from people. I know, I know ... sin. Dr. Tackett was talking about this subject and my mind went to a scene in the latest version of Robin Hood (the one with Russell Crowe). It's the scene where the surviving brother has taken over as king, he has promised the world to the people of the kingdom, then when Robin Hood upstages him, his need for glory makes his evil(er) side come out, and he ends up reneging on all his prior promises.

I'm like that. Perhaps not as blatant, but I am. Lord, help me to grow to be more like You!

2. Those that know me well, know that I am a bit OCD, a bit anal and even suffer a bit of ADHD--all of which seem so negative when put on paper...and they can be, but they also come in handy at times. My attention to detail is good, I care about the little things, I have lots of energy,... Here's how these things can be good and bad. I'm a clean freak, but because I can't just clean halfway, my house has been unpresentable since July--when I was hospitalized with pancreatitis. I am busy, it's true, but what person that has a full-time job, a husband, two kids with multiple activities, etc...can clean with the expectations I place on myself? Why can't I just be like everyone else and be able to pick up a room, run a dust cloth and sweeper and call it a day. That would certainly be good enough to open our home to visitors. But nooooo, I must pull the couch cushions, move the furniture, scrub the baseboards, clean and rearrange every drawer and closet and read every piece of mail that passes through the door--even ones that I KNOW are junk mail.

Anyway, I am slowly making progress...and maybe soon YOU can come for a visit. Until then, pray for me. I really know that my time could be better spent than counting puzzle pieces and color coding my closet hangers by type of clothing!

3. Sunday night OMS hosted a small event for one of my new coworkers...Beka! What a blessing she is in every way. She invited 40 friends and supporters to come to the OMS office to tour the building, hear more about what OMS does and how Beka's role fits into this. (Many of you local friends will receive an invite from me in the spring!)

The evening was fun, informative and filled with God moments. One of those was remembering how the Lord used me to get Beka to OMS. Short story is that Beka wanted to come be a missionary journalist, I wanted/needed her to come, then the doors seemingly closed. I prayed a lot, and God spoke clearly. He made it clear that I needed to step up and "fight" for Beka. I did, and it was so worth it. But even more than that, it was a wonderful confirmation to me that God still speaks clearly in our lives if we are obedient to listen.

Ahhh, I feel better. Sometimes, I just have to dump the load of my brain to feel peace and release. Hope you find your peace in Him this week...

Movie Star...Not!

Today, was a roller coaster day at OMS. I've learned that this means that God is at work. Oh, I know He never stops, but He's showing His hand full force, and great things are about to happen.

This week alone, I am working on the next Outreach magazine (it's going to be full of amazing stories of God at work!), new exciting stories to post on the www.onemissionsociety.org website, a testimony of God's faithfulness to OMS to email to more than 8,000 OMS friends, which is a part of a new email "marketing" campaign we're launching this week, with a new news service launch, as well.

Also, in the last week, I've helped edit, manage and coordinate 5 DMLs (direct mail letters, requesting financial needs for OMS), which included more than 40,000 pieces of mail. I'm also part of a radio writing/editing team in which we write ads for a radio station in Cincinnati. I have the unpleasant task tomorrow of calling the general manager to say we're not happy with the way the ads have been produced. So, our team produced the ad ourselves, and it turned out great. Now, I just need to convince the GM that it's a good idea to switch to ours...and keep our relationship in tact. God is at work in this too. For several years, we have wanted to produce our own spots. In fact, we have a dozen or so stations that have requested to play our creative spots.

And today...I experienced a very emotional call with our contracted web developing company. We decided logically it was time to part ways, but emotionally, it felt like I had just broken up with my first boyfriend. Thankfully, in the end, we said goodbye on a great note.

The other biggie for the day...I was video interviewed by Indy Christian Media for a soon-to-be-released web video series on who OMS is and what we do, etc... Look for coming details and links soon.

A Movie Star I Am Not! I fussed and fretted about my flat (I totally forgot today was filming day), unwashed hair and NO makeup, how fat I looked on camera, my sweaty face (it was hot day today anyway, no AC and then put all those studio lights on ya and it was at least 100 degrees in there!). Then, I got warmed up and into the questions and the answers just flowed. I realized how very passionate I am about the ministry of One Mission Society. What a privilege it is to serve with OMS...and even more to serve our God.

But...I think I'll leave the in-front-of camera duties to someone else. I'll stick to WRITING the wonderful stories of how HE is changing people's lives each and every day.

Hope you enjoyed this not-so-quick glimpse into my ministry world. I bet you never knew what exciting things a homeland missionary could be involved in, huh?

P.S. I'll try to post some ministry pix soon so you can begin to see the faces of those changed lives.

Is There Something Wrong with Being Thankful?

Weird question, huh? Well, I am thankful...I think I'm generally a grateful person overall ... and not just at this time of year either. But even if people ARE just talking about thanksgiving this month, I say, hey, better one month a year than not at all.

What is all this rambling about? Well, I got a little mad today when I was reading a post on a FaceBook friend's page. She was saying that she was grateful for life. Her "friend" responded to her post, basically dogging her out, saying that she should not just be grateful in November, but all throughout the year. He said she should go and volunteer at a soup kitchen in July. That made me mad. Why in the world would anyone ever make someone feel badly for feeling good? ... for being grateful?

OK, I know what his point was ... or the point he was trying to make, but really Mr.?

Anyway, with all that said, I think this is a great time of year to reflect on all the good gifts that God has given us and to "Get Rich Quick ... Count Our Blessings" (recently seen on a church sign). This is how I feel rich today:

• we still live in a country where we are free to vote, to voice our choices, convictions, ideas,...
• that despite the fact that I am a conservative and have many friends that are liberals, we can still be friends, living in peace, knowing that this is what our country was founded on
• God reigns
• my husband is still, at 50, super hot and loves me even when I am a super grouch and have a big crush (innocent) on Brett Favre
• my ministry is incredibly fulfilling; I get to be a small part of fulfilling the Great Commission on a daily basis and I actually LOVE going to work each day
• I'm feeling pretty strong and healthy. I NEVER take my health for granted these days...every day that I go without pain, I sing praises to God
• even though we live with some debt, all our needs are met above and beyond what we deserve
• my children are growing up to love and follow Jesus ... and are becoming pretty great human beings in the process. And even though we have a way to go in raising them, what a joy and privilege it is to do so
• so many friends and family that love, support and encourage me in my faith journey
• $1.00 Diet Cokes from McDonald's

I could go on and on but will leave it with these "10 Good Things" for today. If you're feeling sad or depressed, may I suggest you take just 5 minutes to list a few things you are thankful for. I guarantee, it'll make you feel better.